Being a Better Listener: Recognizing the Signs of Suicide

Being a Better Listener & Recognizing the Signs of Someone Who May Be Facing Suicide

Sunday, August 28th, 2022General, Mental Health, Mindfulness, Prevention, Safety

Suicide is difficult for many people to talk or think about. Statistics suggest that, among those of you reading this, some will have experienced suicidal thoughts yourself or have a loved one who has. Suicide rates are increasing, and it is the second leading cause of death in certain age groups (10-14 years and 25-34 years.) With the ‘soft’ rollout of the new national suicide and mental health crisis line - 988 - this month is a good time to talk about suicide. Or rather, to listen.

Let us think about how we can listen for and see those struggling with thoughts of suicide. Suicidal thoughts raise a number of alarms, questions, and often fear. Fears such as “will I say the right thing?” or “where can I get help?” either for yourself or your loved one. But being proactive about thinking through what your response might be can help if a moment of crisis comes.

SO WHAT CAN I DO?

Ask
Actively Listen
Act

Ask:

Direct questions to find out how they are feeling. Phrases that can help a person open up show that you empathize with them and want to understand more. For example: “It must be awful for you right now. Tell me about it.”

Or, if you’ve noticed any concerning behaviors, you can say, “I’ve noticed you have become very withdrawn.” Then don’t be afraid to ask directly about suicide. Don’t be afraid that asking about suicide puts the idea into a person’s head. In fact, it can be a relief for someone with those thoughts to have someone ask them. For example, you can ask, “Do you have thoughts about suicide?” “Do you want to hurt yourself right now?” “Are you thinking of ways to take your own life?” Listen for expressions of the warning signs, such as the person talking about feeling very hopeless or alone.

Avoid asking leading questions, for example, “you’re not feeling suicidal, are you?”

Actively listen:

Don’t underestimate the power of silence and simply sit with the person experiencing distress. Don’t feel that you have to fill every moment with a verbal response. Just being in the moment with the person and attempting to feel what they feel and understand their story can be very powerful. Using a non-judgemental tone and reflecting on what the person is saying can help them open up. Phrases like: “Thank you for trusting me. I want to help.” “It sounds like you feel very alone. I’m here for you.” “It may not seem like it right now, but you have people who care about you, and we are going to help you get through this.” “Talk to me. I will listen. I will try to understand.” “It can get better. We’ll help you find a way.”

Avoid arguing with the person or denying their feelings; for example, “you just need to snap out of it, you’ll be fine.”

Let’s start with some things you might see in a person struggling with suicidal thoughts.

You might notice the person:

Becoming more isolated or disconnected, withdrawing
Expressing hopelessness
Having mood changes such as more sad or even more irritable, mood swings, or anxiety
Giving away possessions or making end-of-life plans such as good-bye notes
Increasing use of drugs or alcohol
Talking of unbearable pain or suffering or being a burden to others
Talking about suicide or ending their life

“Weeping may tarry the night, but joy comes with the morning.”

Act:

If the person is having suicidal thoughts, offer to help them get the help they need. Think about whether you need to get this help immediately; for example, if the situation is life-threatening, call 911. If there is time to call for advice, options include “Can I call your medical team for you?” “It is important we get you the help you need. I need to call 988 so that someone can talk with you and help us get what you need.”

Do include and prepare the person by telling them what you are doing. Offer options if possible, such as “I can call your family member, or would you prefer to call them?”

Avoid trying to handle a crisis alone or attempting to resolve the situation single-handedly. Again, if the situation is life-threatening, call 911 immediately. Ask for help with a mental health crisis and for them to send someone who is trained to deal with mental health emergencies, if possible.

Finally, if you are experiencing suicidal thoughts, please reach out for help and know that you have worth and value. Your team at Health By Design is also available, and there are other resources listed below. There is hope even when your feelings tell you otherwise.

You Might Also Like:

Feeling Alone in a Connected World

You are Not Alone - Tips for Overcoming Loneliness

Making Time to Slow Down

Resources:

If you are in crisis, call the toll-free National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (NSPL) at 1-800-273-TALK (8255), available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. The service is available to anyone. All calls are confidential.
You can also reach the online chat at https://988lifeline.org/chat/: Available in English and Spanish.
988 America’s Suicide Prevention and Mental Health Crisis Lifeline: Available in English and Spanish.
Veterans Crisis Line
Mental Health Crisis Services: in Texas
https://www.211texas.org/about-2-1-1/: Call 211 in Texas. A program of Texas Health and Human Services hosts a free anonymous hotline that operates options 1 (community programs and services), 4 (emergency assistance registry), 5 (disasters), 6 (public health emergencies), and 8 (mental health and substance abuse).
Louisiana Suicide Hotlines
If in Crisis - NAMI Louisiana
Comprehensive Crisis Response: Oklahoma

FURTHER INFORMATION ON DEALING WITH A MENTAL HEALTH CRISIS:

https://www.nami.org/Support-Education/Publications-Reports/Guides/Navigating-a-Mental-Health-Crisis/Navigating-A-Mental-Health-Crisis?utm_source=website&utm_medium=cta&utm_